Recharging

I begin in the name of God, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

It's been a while since I have blogged properly, partly because I don't actually know if anyone reads these anymore, and partly because well...I just haven't made the time! I was tempted to say that I haven't had the time, but that would be a lie; we can always make time if something is important enough.

As human beings, it's natural for us to get tired from time to time, especially mentally. Usually we tire from doing the same thing for a while- the hamster wheel that is work, day to day routines, being in the same surroundings. We overwork whatever part of our minds it is that we use during these activities, and we seek a way to recharge it- the same way we would recharge our body with fluids and protein shakes after working our bodies hard.

But why is it that sometimes we still don't stop feeling tired? We will 'relax', take our minds off the serious things in life, get a massage or just have a nap...and still feel exhausted and ready to go back to bed the second we get back into the old routine. I think it is because we often try and recharge our minds with the wrong type of fuel. Or we do whatever we would do to recharge our bodies, and expect it to work for our minds as well, forgetting that our minds...(wait for it)...have a mind of their own! (Yes, I actually did it). (Sorry).

But seriously, many of us don't treat our mind as the separate entity that it is, and so we think that a nap or a sugar binge or a couple of hours of FIFA on the PS4 (no, this is not a dig at my husband at all) will fix our exhaustion, when actually, our minds crave a totally different type of energy. From my limited experiences, I feel that when our mind is exhausted, it doesn't wish to shut down, it just needs to be used in a different way, or a different part of it needs to be used. It needs a different kind of stimulation- similar to how after our muscles tire from a vigorous workout, we stretch them and do a warm down, rather than just stopping movement altogether and becoming idle.

For many of us, that stretching or warm down could be reading, listening to something meaningful, painting, drawing, creating. For me, it is writing. Which is why, even if nobody reads this, it is my outlet and my way of recharging my mind. More than anything, this blog has been a reminder and an outlet for myself, and anyone who reads or benefits from it is a massive bonus.

So, I hope to be writing a lot more frequently here, God willing.

Custodian of my Soul

My master, my saviour, O' custodian of my soul,

I write these words for you in hope of becoming whole,

For what is my purpose if from you I'm apart?

How do I live on if you don't dwell in my heart?

A fish without water or a bird without wings,

Without you I am worse off than all of these things,

So tonight when destinies are tied and futures aligned,

When each fate is written and missions assigned,

I come to you begging with only one wish,

My heart full of guilt but my eyes in anguish...

I ask for a promise though I have no right,

But the flame of my hope shines so blindingly bright,

I ask that my soul remains always for you,

That I remain in your service whatever I do,

That you are my guardian and no other king,

No other person no matter what luring they bring,

Though I am not worthy, I know only one truth,

That I want to give you my end and my youth,

You are my beginning and you are my end,

This soul that I've shattered only your hands can mend.

Will you deny me on a night of such hope?

Would you forget me when I've held onto your rope?

No...how would you, when you've shown me such mercy?

When you've fed me the drink of your love when I'm thirsty,

You've responded to words still unescaped from my heart,

Granted the prayers that I've had yet to impart,

You've saved me from disasters to me unbeknown,

You shoulder my sorrows though I've left you alone,

No other such mercy exists in this world,
For it is attained from just one household,
Lanterns that guide and arks of salvation,
A household of honour and saintly prostration...

So I ask by your honour and by that of the other eleven,
By the majesty of the kings of the youths of His heaven,
By the modesty and grace of the treasure of Haidar,
And the might of the lion who lifted the gate of Khaybar,
And by the beauty of him for whom words I can't find,
The praised one whose brilliance could turn my eyes blind...
Accept me, my servitude and make me your own,
Allow me to repay a fraction of the mercy you've shown,
Let my eyes not shed tears except for your pain,
And if I lose everything, let your love remain,
If ever I'm deserted then stretch out your hand,
Be my place of belonging if I belong to no land,
If I lose all guidance and and in darkness I wander,
To my calls of help always be the responder,
Be my shelter if my home is taken away,
The stars of the night sky and the sun in the day...

May my health and my wealth and my life be for you,
Take all that I have, I'll start afresh and anew,
For in this world and the next, I have only one goal,
That you are forever the custodian of my soul.