Muharram

I feel like Muharram is already here. I've been waiting for it so eagerly that I think the atmosphere is beginning to set. Why I want it to be Muharram so desperately, I don't know. There are too many possible reasons.

Over the last few days, I keep remembering moments from Muharram last year- it was winter, it had snowed, it was the first Muharram for Ahlulbayt TV, my best friend had gone to Karbala, and I had exams. Muharram last year was a struggle and I guess that made it much sweeter. I remember times when the worry about my upcoming exams just vanished when the live feed from Karbala was on TV, or when I would motivate myself to work with Sayed Modaressi's 10PM lecture in mind. Everything that wasn't related to Muharram just seemed like a distracting nuisance.

This year, there's a different struggle. Perhaps I can call it a struggle of patience? I've never wanted to visit Imam Hussein (as) so desperately. A few people who are very dear to me have been blessed enough to go, and surprisingly, that gives me a sense of relief. I feel like a very tiny part of me is going with them, like they strengthen my connection with Imam Hussein (as) when they go. I'm genuinely very grateful that they are going- firstly, because of this relief that I just explained, and secondly, because sometimes I look our situations and I feel that they need the relief of Imam Hussein (as) more than I do. They deserve the relief of Imam Hussein (as) more than I do.

This year, a lot of my birthday wishes were accompanied with du'as that my next birthday present will be to spend the first ten days of Muharram in Karbala. I cannot express how grateful I am for those du'as, they are better than any other present I could have possibly received.